"I just want to change the environment. Brother Hao, please give me the right words, okay or not?"
I looked at this young girl. She was standing on the border between life and death, but she was already thinking about how to start a new life.
"In this way, you take care of Lao Li's funeral affairs first. When things at work are sorted out, if you still want to come, please contact me at any time."
She did not get the answer she wanted: "Okay, then I will ask you in a few days."
As I drove away from the hospital, my thoughts drifted to the invisible time bomb in my body.
Huang Li's words are still echoing in her ears: "This side effect can't be told when it will occur."
Lao Li's sudden departure is like a mirror, reflecting the fragility of each of us.
I did not go back to the site, but went directly back to the rental community.
When he opened the door, Lin Xiaoyu was sitting on the sofa, arranging her hair, getting ready to go to the evening shift.
"So early today?" She turned her head in surprise.
I didn’t say anything, I just walked over and hugged her from behind, burying my face in her neck.
"Xiaoyu, let's get married."
She broke away from my arms and turned around to face me. Her eyes scanned my face carefully
"What's wrong with you today? Are you feeling uncomfortable somewhere?"
I held her hand and pressed it against my chest: "I don't feel comfortable here."
Her expression became even more confused: "Heart? Do you want to go to the hospital?"
“That’s not what I meant.” I sighed.
"Lao Li left today, there was a car accident."
Lin Xiaoyu asked: "Which Lao Li? The one who used to be a kangaroo?"
I nodded: "I was hit by someone who ran a red light. I just came back from the hospital."
She was silent. After a while: "So you suddenly want to get married?"
"Life is too fragile, Xiaoyu. We have been together for a long time, and I don't want to wait for the day when it comes."
"If you get married because you are afraid of losing, this reason is not good enough." Lin Xiaoyu still did not agree.
"It's not just because of fear. It's because I want to do everything I need to do in the limited time." I want to have a family with Xiaoyu and have my own children.
“You’ve been saying things like this lately, as if you’re running out of time. Tell me, what are you hiding from me?” Lin Xiaoyu seemed to have noticed something.
"I just, after experiencing what happened today, I have figured out a lot." I found a reason.
Lin Xiaoyu tidied her clothes, "Marriage is not a way to escape death. If you want to marry me, it should be because you want to spend the rest of your life with me, no matter how long or short it is."
She picked up the bag on the table and walked to the door: "I should go to work. Have a good rest and don't think too much."
The door closed gently, and Xiao Yu’s footsteps gradually faded away. I was still sinking into the sofa, the pain in my chest lingering.
There was a faint sound of conversation in the corridor - it was Xiao Yu and Su Yan who met at the door. They said hello briefly, then the key turned and Su Yan pushed the door open and entered.
"So early today?" She bent over to change her shoes and looked at me in surprise.
I remained silent. She put down her bag, walked up to me, reached out and touched my shoulder: "I want to ask you something." I suddenly grabbed her wrist and pulled her into my arms. She was caught off guard and fell onto my lap. Before she could exclaim, my lips were already on her.
This kiss carries a desperate request. She froze for a moment, then began to struggle, and her fist hit my shoulder lightly.
"Are you crazy?" She broke away, her breath slightly confused, and looked at the door warily, "Xiao Yu just left, are you afraid that she will come back and hear her?"
Her voice was very low, reproachful, but not completely resistant. There's a dangerous ambiguity in the air, and we can all feel the lines blurring.
"She is working the night shift tonight." I said, my fingers still entangled with the ends of her hair unconsciously.
Su Yan stood up from me and straightened her somewhat messy collar: "Just because you know she works the night shift, you dare to do this?"
I did not answer. The sky outside the window gradually darkened, the lights were not turned on in the room, and twilight flowed between us.
She stood in the shadows and looked at me for a while: "Something's wrong with you today. What happened?"
I leaned on the sofa and the twilight painted the room dark blue. Su Yan's question hung in the air, like dust that refused to fall.
“I’m confused.” I finally answered, my voice a little hoarse.
She did not leave, but sat down at the other end of the sofa and curled up her legs. We were half an arm's length apart, but we could hear each other's breathing.
"Is it because of Lao Li?" she asked softly.
I stared at the blurry light shadow on the ceiling: "Part of it is."
"What about the other part?"
This question is too dangerous. I changed the topic: "Do you remember that Lao Li always used to bring that thermos cup? He was soaking wolfberry and said that his son bought it for him."
The corners of Su Yan's lips raised slightly: "Remember. I spilled it once and soaked your cell phone."
"He paid for my breakfast for a month."
We laughed at the same time, and the laughter briefly dispersed something in the darkness. But the silence soon returned, deeper and heavier.
Su Yan reached out and touched my arm, very lightly, and it was gone at the touch: "What do you want to say?"
I wanted to talk about the deadline given to me by the doctor, about the tight pain in my chest from time to time, and about the countdown that every time I took a breath. But these words got stuck in her throat and turned into: "I just feel that we all live too cautiously."
Her hand stopped where it was. Outside the window, the city lights came on one by one, casting mottled stripes on her face through the blinds.
"Wouldn't it be better to be careful?" Her voice was almost a whisper, "Some boundaries are crossed and you can't come back."
I knew she was right. But when death becomes concrete, boundaries seem so ridiculous.
"Su Yan," I turned my head and met her eyes in the dimness, "If..."
"There is no if." She interrupted me and stood up suddenly, "I'll turn on the light."
The moment the light came on, we both squinted our eyes. Reality floods back with the light, and the ambiguity and fragility just now have nowhere to hide.
"It's time for you to go and rest." She said, her voice had returned to its usual calmness, "Tomorrow we have to go see Lao Li off on his last journey, right?"
I nodded and finally stood up from the sofa. We walked to our respective rooms one after the other, like two ships missed in the night.
Before closing the door, I heard her say very softly: "Living itself is a risky thing, there is no need to prove anything in this way."
The door closed softly. I leaned against the door panel and put my hand on my chest unconsciously. The pain there seemed to have eased, but Su Yan's expression froze on the other side. She knew Lao Li, and the three of us used to be colleagues at Kangaroo Takeout.
"When?"
"This afternoon."
Silence spread in the room. Finally, she asked softly: "So what was that kiss just now?"
The dusk was getting darker, and her outline became blurred in the dim light. The question hangs between us, and I have no answer. Something deeper began to creep in. ;